One Step at a Time

To help your children overcome this kind of attitude that may hinder their emotional and social skills as they grow old, here are some of the things that you can do.

1. You must not impose on what you want them to be. And even if you are already doing certain things to make things happen in this regard, you cannot expect instant results. You must understand what your children are going through. The attitude may be innate to them and it is also hard for them to follow your lead as much as they want to. You must try and take small steps to initiate changes to your children. Give them time to absorb things and values of what you want them to learn. Let them approach the situation at their own pace and do things at the right time whenever they are ready.

2. You must protect them from getting teased because of their behavior. This will aggravate the situation and may lower their self-esteem even more. If they are often getting teased, they will try to avoid people and situations so that they won’t get such treatment. If this is going to happen, you will have a harder time teaching them on how to improve their social skills.

3. Do not punish them for being shy. They did not intend to be this way. You must approach the matter in a calm manner all the time. You must bear in mind that they are also having a hard time dealing with their situation and thinking of ways of how they can eventually get out of their shell.

4. You must support them, but not too much to the point that you are taking matters onto your own hands. Let them speak for themselves whenever they want to at the phase that they like. Do not speak to other people on their behalf because this may only aggravate the situation. You must do your best to encourage them to slowly get out of their shells. You have to be able to achieve this without being very obvious about your intentions.

If you are faced to deal with a problem like shyness in children, you must always put their feelings first before you start acting and implementing what you think will be best for them. If you are having a hard time dealing with it, just think that this is harder for them. If you really want to help them, you must allow them to adjust to the whole scenario at their own pace.

In this case, the problem is the fear of the person in dealing with others. Experts say that the earlier the shyness is diagnosed is the best treatment for this condition. This is because the problem could be addressed in its “infancy” stage so more options would be available for the patient.

The first thing that one can do if he or she suspects that he or she might have developed this fear in dealing with people is to check the symptoms of people who are diagnosed with it. Some of the common symptoms extreme shyness or diffidence include over anxiety or nervousness during the conversations and other social functions. Other manifestations of the condition might also include nausea, dizziness, vomiting, muscular tensions, motion sickness, excessive sweating, heavy breathing, palpitations or increased heart rate and uncontrolled shaking or trembling of the person’s body.

If these symptoms happen to a person during any social gathering or conversation, then there is a great need for him or her to seek professional help as soon as possible. The diagnosis of diffidence is usually made by the psychologist who will offer advices. He or she will also assess the patient by asking about him or her about the fear of people, how it started, and the extent or the severity of the fear which may affects his or her life.

Going to a psychiatrist is one of the basic treatments in overcoming shyness because he or she will give the person another perspective on the condition and will also help him or her handle the condition especially if it has reached phobic proportions. If you suspect that too much shyness affects your life in general, the following are just some of the tips that you can follow in order to overcome this:

- gain enough knowledge. This is the best thing that you can do in order to overcome shyness. If you are educated about shyness, you will know that embarrassment—which is the major reason that triggers shyness—doesn’t happen all the time. And if these will, you will know what to do since you have already taken time off to know more about this occurrence. Experts say that the greater understanding there is when it comes to shyness and about all the things that usually take place during social functions, he or she will get hold of the fear that grips his or her emotions.

- know what actually scares you. This is the basic thing that people who have extreme shyness should do because if they will know what it is that they fear in dealing with others, they can address these issues on themselves with a help of a professional such as a psychologist.

To motivate one’s self, the first thing that needs to be done is by developing a positive outlook in life. This is very important because if one keeps an open and positive outlook towards life in general, he or she will be able to overcome the everyday struggle that would come along the way. Also, if one has a positive outlook in life, he or she will be able to turn failures into successes by seizing each opportunity that knock on the door.

Motivation is the key

Shyness is a natural thing for people. But if this serves as a hindrance to a person’s personal and social life, then something should be done to solve it. In dealing with shyness, one can start by motivating one’s self not to be shy. One can start by knowing what are the things that cause shyness. This is good for them to know how to deal with these factors one step at a time.

Although it might sound easy, self-motivation is not an easy task. It would require so much self-assessment as well as constant reflection over one’s self, on his or her environment, the people that surround him or her and the overall condition of life that he or she is in. Experts say that once each of these has been thoroughly assessed, it will be easier to pave the way for continuous self-motivation. The following are just some of steps that people can do in order for them to motivate themselves not to be shy anymore:

- start with small feats. This is one of the easiest ways to start with deal with shyness. By starting small and simple, you are not putting too much pressure on yourself about the things that you need to do and what are you supposed to accomplished in a specific period of time. By starting small, you will be able to accomplish easier tasks and you can move on to bigger challenges ahead knowing that you have gone though the entire process; and

- stay in good company. To solve shyness issues for good, it is very important for one to veer away from people who have negative vibes. It is a must for somebody to find a good company of people who are all enthusiastic, encouraging, and have a positive outlook in life so he or she would somehow feel positive aura.

There are many negative effects of this attitude that is why you really have to act on the situation while you still can.

Here are some of the characteristics that are being shown by children who are shy. These also present the negative effects that the attitude can give them, which is why you need to help them while you still can.

1. They will have difficulty making friends. People will find them aloof and sort of stuck up. Their peers may interpret such aloofness as sign of disinterest to befriend anyone. Other people may also try to take advantage of them. They may feel superior over your child that they may find ways to push them to do certain things that they don’t really want to.

2. They will lack social skills and may even tend to fear away from social gatherings. As a result, they would often feel lonely because these skills are necessary for their emotional development and growth.

3. They won’t be able to improve on their communication skills. They don’t have much exposure to people. They are stuck with you and other close relatives and individuals. They are missing out a lot of chances to learn more about other people and may also find it very hard relating to them. This can also result to so many bottled up emotions because they haven’t learned quite well how to express their feelings.

Prevention is Cure

You must act on the situation while you still have time and your child is still young. The attitude may bring more problems if you won’t at least try to do something to lessen it and improve your child’s attitude through time. Here are some things that you can do in this regard.

1. Teach them how to behave in social situations by being a good example. You must also tell them about the value of friendship and how they can gather and maintain their real friends as they grow.

2. You must expose them to functions where they will be able to meet many people. Little by little, allow them to come out of their shells on their own.

If you have done everything but you don’t see any changes on your child’s shyness, do not pressure them to become who you want them to be. Try to appreciate them as a whole and focus on their talents and other good characteristics so that they can hone these further despite their lack of other social skills.

By setting this goal, you are allowing yourself to have a better future. You know very well that if you want to succeed in any industry, you have to learn how to express yourself and how to interact with people that you will meet along the way. Just imagine how you will be able to land your dream job if you are not going to pass the first phase, which is the interview, just because you are painfully shy to even let your thoughts be heard. If this is going to happen, you are going to have a hard time getting hired. You may think that you would only choose a career that would not require much interaction with other people. But you have to understand that no matter what career you choose, it will be best if you are armed with right knowledge and right kind of personality to match that with.

Here are some things that you can do at this point to help yourself eventually arrive at your goal and that is to break away from your attitude.

1. You must gather your thoughts and energy to only think positive. You have to be optimistic about life and all other decisions that you need to face from hereon. You can start this by studying how you usually interact with other people, especially those that you only meet for the first time. You have to know why you are finding it hard to start a conversation or carry on a lengthy one if they were the ones who have approached you first. Do not think too hard when speaking with other people. You just have to enjoy the moment and go with the flow. You must not aim to impress them all the time. The main thing that you have to think about is how you would be able to tell them what you really want to say.

2. Listen to people. There are times when you become too focused about your appearance or what are you going to tell to people that you fail to listen to what they are telling you. This is not good because you cannot respond to them properly if you weren’t able to get what they want to speak with you about.

3. You must accept the fact that not everybody is nice and not everyone you meet will accept you with same friendliness or will respond to you after you have started a conversation. There will be times when you are going to be ignored. This must not let you down from your goal to get over shyness.

This kind of attitude will backfire on you at times when you have to stand on your own and gather the kind of confidence that you need to show people who you really are. If you are ambitious and you want to go far in terms of career, you should also start honing your social skills. You will not be able to go far if you cannot even speak your thoughts clearly. You have to seek help or help your self if you can and while you can still do it.

There are many things that you can do in this situation. There are professionals who can help you get through this awkward stage. If you think that you cannot solve your problem on your own, you must start finding a good professional who can help you trace the roots of your inhibitions. They will take you to a journey down memory lane to find out what triggered such attitude. They will also try to apply scientific techniques to be able to find the best solution for your condition.

If the case is manageable, you must do this on your own. This way, you will be the one who is in control of your decisions. This will help you find your own pace as to when you will be ready to initiate changes that you think will help you become more confident and gain more self-esteem. Here are some tips that you may want to follow if you are at this point in your life where you are very determined to change.

1. You must be optimistic about life. Avoid negative thoughts from now on. These will not help you with the kind of goal that you have set to achieve. Whenever you encounter failures, you must think that you can always find time to correct the mistakes that you have done and create better outcome in your future decisions.

2. You must not be too self-conscious to the point that you are no longer paying attention to people because you are too busy thinking what others are saying about you. Instead of thinking hard about how you can impress people, you must begin focusing on what they are showing and telling you. This way, you can address their concerns more promptly.

3. You must never be too hard on yourself. The good thing about this is that you are trying your best. Even if it is taking a long time for you to see positive results, this doesn’t mean that you must quit trying on how you can get rid of shyness.

The main thing that you must understand about the matter is that this is a process. You must never impose for changes to happen so quickly. As much as possible, you would want your child to enjoy their age. You are only helping by molding them to become the kind of person that could have a better outlook and disposition in the future. Here are some points that you can start thinking about when you have set your mind into helping your kid become more active and more expressive.

1. The first thing that you must be careful about is for your shy kid to be teased about their attitude. This will only make matters worse for them and they may find it harder to move forward and get past such attitude if they will often receive this treatment. You may have not noticed it before, but even their own family members commit this mistake and what’s worse, they do it in front of other people. You must be alert all the time to prevent this kind of occurrence. At this point, you have to think of ways of how you can help boost your child’s confidence and self-esteem and teasing is not part of it.

2. You may have noticed that your child wants to be often left alone. You can allow them to do that but make sure that you counter that by exposing them to events and other happenings where they can also get exposed to many people. You can bring them to places where they will enjoy themselves and see other kids interact with one another. If they show signs of trying to be sociable, you must praise them for the effort and show your support by encouraging them to continue such behavior.

3. If they are being asked questions by other people, do not easily speak for them. Allow them to speak for their own behalf. Give them a chance to strategize their answers or how they would want to approach the matter. Just come into rescue when you see that they are really not interested in continuing with any conversation to the people who are talking to them.

4. You must not brutally tell them what you want to happen or why you are doing these things and following certain techniques in order to help them. You must do everything subtlety. You must not let them feel like you are rushing them into becoming who you want them to be. Allow them to grow, get over shyness and come out of their shell at their own pace.

First things first: There is nothing wrong with being shy as much as there is nothing wrong with being outgoing, either. Shyness is just a plain emotion, not a permanent personality trait. Anyone who is shy has the complete power to change it.

The following are some simple suggestions that can help you overcome your feeling of shyness. It is a feeling. And feelings can be replaced.

Building self-confidence

Self confidence is knowing you are special. Everyone is special, including your favorite celebrity. Being special is having some trait to offer to the world. Your favorite celebrity might be a good singer. Your friend is kind and thoughtful.

How about you? There is always something in you that make you special. Look inside you and find out. Think about it, instead of fixating how you look or sound or dress up. Your being special is the one you should polish and work on.

And whatever your problems with yourself are should not make shy. Everyone has problems too. And they are not shy.

Smiling and getting comfortable

In everything you do, look and act friendly. A smile can work wonders into yourself and that friendly attitude will translate itself into your body language. Your friends will become closer to you and will help you in your work to overcome your shyness.

Smiling is simply a friendly acknowledgment of other people, whether they are friends or complete strangers. It definitely will brighten the day of the person you smiled at. And surprisingly, it will brighten yours, too. Try it.

Visualization

Athletes have a visualization technique. It is simple but very effective. While training months and days before their big events, the first thing they do every morning is sit and relax for about 15 minutes. And they do only one thing: picturing themselves winning their race.

You can do the same. Close your eyes and imagine a situation where you are normally shy. Now, you simply replace that with images where you are confidently dealing with the situation. You can even see the techniques on how you did them in your imagined scenario. Now, do this every day. You will surprise yourself later.

Good posture

Sometimes, it could be our body posture that makes us shy without our knowing it. Good posture and speaking clearly perks up something in us. Standing straight and looking the other person in the eyes sparks a confident note inside us.

We feel secure in what we are talking about and without any prodding, we tend to speak out very clearly because we know that the other person is listening well to us.

No one is watching you

Being self-conscious is the pre-occupation of shy people.

Do you think people are looking at you when you cross the street? Are they pre-occupied with your hair or with the color of your lipstick?

Why not check out if people are looking at others? No one is really watching anyone that intently. That includes you.

Overcoming your shyness takes work, and only you can work it out. Getting a professional help might be good, but in the end, it is you who will do the smiling, the figuring, and the confident walking.

Seeing yourself

Although motivation from other people can be a good start in building a positive attitude in life and overcome shyness, this might not be applicable to all people especially to those who prefer to do things on their own.

If you are one of these people who would rather do things on his or her own, then now is the time to realize how big self-motivation can create in your life. Experts say that if one starts with the process of self-motivation to fight shyness now, it will be easier for them to accomplish greater things for themselves and for the people that they love in the future.

Experts agree that for one to overcome shyness and be successful in life, motivation is very essential. This is because knowing how to motivate yourself would help you deal with challenges that would come along the way. It will also serve as an inspiration that would keep your spirit high no matter how trying the times are.

Although there are countless advantages of motivation, it’s saddening to think that many people still don’t know how to adhere with it. For those who would want to start with motivation to deal with shyness, here are some tips that can help you get started with this.

1. Discover your cause or purpose in life. Indeed, the most powerful thing that can help a person get started with overcoming shyness is discovering your cause or your purpose in life. Once you were able to do this, you can find the reason in your heart why do you want to be motivated. The reason maybe for the betterment of your own self or for your family and others but no matter what it is, what’s important is you have something to hold on to in setting goals that you would want to achieve in the future.

2. Have a dream and hold on to it. Overcoming shyness is a not an easy task to start with. It would require lots of efforts and self-assessment to be able to maximize its full potentials. For people who would want to reap the benefits of overcoming shyness, use motivation now by having a dream that they could hold on to. The scale or the size of that dream doesn’t matter, it can be a big thing or a small thing, what’s important is the person is willing to do everything to achieve that dream. For some people, having big dreams work on them because they are looking forward to big rewards in the future that is why they are giving their best this early.

While some people opt to have small dreams because they want to make sure that they will be able to accomplish that dream and won’t have to deal with defeat or failure in the future.

The simple answer is: shyness is not inborn. We do not inherit it from our ancestors or from our parents.

Scientists argue that people are not born shy. This is because shyness has three major features: namely, excessive self-consciousness, excessive negative self-evaluation, and excessive negative self-preoccupation.

These three characteristic features of shyness all have the major component of a sense of selfhood. And based on scientific research, a sense of self in a young person (a baby, if you will) does not develop until approximately 18 months of age.

Since an individual is not born with a sense of self – but developed only later – that individual cannot be born shy.

Sense of self

In trying to learn more of the human psyche, some of the world’ greatest thinkers in the past (including Charles Darwin) first undertook the search for an individual’s sense of self.

It was Darwin who first proposed that the self’s beginnings is when a child is able to recognize himself or herself in the mirror. Later researches showed the initial signs of the sense of self manifest around six months of age, becoming refined in about over a year.

At around the age of six months, children placed in front of a mirror tend to reach out and touch their image as if it is another child.

The logical question follows: how do we know if the child really recognizes itself or is just reaching out to the mirror image perceived to be someone else?

The scientists then applied a touch of red rouge on the noses of children and placed them in front of mirrors. Eventually, at age 15 to18 months, the children would touch their own noses and not the image in the mirror.

The conclusion would seem to point that children 15 to 18 months of age have already some sense of what their faces should look like and are curious about any variations of it (the red rouge on the nose seen in the mirror).

Inhibited temperament

While there is no evidence of people being born shy, there is evidence that 15 to 20% of babies are born what scientists call as an ‘inhibited temperament.’

Generally, temperament is a biological characteristic that people are born with that serves to influence their behavior in their first few months. However, inhibited temperament demonstrates excessive physiological and behavioral reactions to surrounding stimulants.

A baby with an inhibited temperament kicks its legs vigorously, has a higher heart rate, and cries longer and louder when exposed to unpleasant noises like a popping balloon, for instance. Babies not born with inhibited temperament do not exhibit such reactions.

Another example is that two-year-old inhibited children tend to hide behind their parent’s legs upon seeing a stranger. At seven years of age, inhibited children engage in more isolated play rather than playing with other children.

This is when such behaviors are labeled by parents and everyone else as ‘shyness’.
However, these behavioral expressions of inhibited temperament do not mean that such children will grow up to be shy adults.

The idea that people are born shy is just a belief on shyness, and is not a supported fact. There are many documented cases where shy individuals are able to surmount their shyness and become regular guys.

Shyness is definitely not inborn.